I LIVE TO SERVE: SELLING STUFF YOU DON’T LIKE
I know the vast majority of these columns have been about the kinds of customers I just can’t stand, or the crazy people who, by virtue of my working in a place that actually invites the public in,...
View ArticleI LIVE TO SERVE: IF IT’S NOT BROKE
There are a lot of “classic” elements of retail that have gone the way of the 30-minutes-or-it’s-free pizza. Things like free on-site alterations, returns within any time window you feel like without a...
View ArticleI LIVE TO SERVE: HAVE A NICE DAY, I HATE YOU
There are many strange, inexplicable truths of retail. Like the theorem of transmissive desire, in which an object, previously ignored for months, is always purchased within 24 hours of the first...
View ArticleI LIVE TO SERVE: COULD MAKE AN EXCEPTION, BUT WON’T
I understand that I’m not the only one who has had occasionally frustrating retail-based experiences. Believe it or not, I’m not only aware of, but sympathetic to, the fact that customers are sometimes...
View ArticleI LIVE TO SERVE: ACTUALLY, THAT’S NOT MY JOB
There are certain things you, as a customer, are allowed to expect out of your retail worker. You’re more than welcome, for example, to basic friendliness while being checked out. I don’t begrudge you...
View ArticleI LIVE TO SERVE: I DON’T MEAN TO BE CRAPPY, BUT …
I have to come clean to all of you, because I’ve been lying to a certain percentage of our customers for years, now. Yes, we do have a bathroom. OF COURSE WE HAVE A BATHROOM. Everywhere has a bathroom....
View ArticleI LIVE TO SERVE: HIGH ROLLERS
Each time we get a new product in the store, we enter it into the computer system and it’s assigned an item number. (This is when I’m NOT going to reveal how pathetic I am by listing a random series of...
View ArticleI LIVE TO SERVE: SELLING YOURSELF
Now I know I complain a lot about the world of service, mainly because a lot of the people I’m forced to deal with are either very odd, or very terrible, and expect me to smile at them, anyway. But it...
View ArticleI LIVE TO SERVE: CRAZY ON BOTH SIDES OF THE COUNTER
Usually this column serves as a customer call-out, either to individual crazies, or to the kind of generalized shitty behavior that makes me, and other people who smile for a living, want to poke our...
View ArticleI LIVE TO SERVE: INTERPERSONAL HYGIENE
I’ve always thought the term “personal hygiene” was a little misleading, or at least insufficient. Yes, maintaining basic minimum standards of cleanliness on all parts of your person is an individual...
View ArticleI LIVE TO SERVE: RETAIL’S NOT A MARATHON, IT’S A SPRINT
Sometimes, you like to get multiple things knocked off your to-do list at once. Like your spin class, your soy latte, and a just-because gift for one of the girls. Or your mommy-and-me yoga, grabbing...
View ArticleI LIVE TO SERVE: BEHIND CLOSED DOORS
No offense to any of you, but most of the people who come into my shop I have less than no interest in. They wander around looking at cards, picking up the occasional bowl, and testing the lotions,...
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